Hope. Wish. Pray..

The day I post my return to the blog, something happened. I and my laopo who have lasted for 2 days before 4th month, broke up.. Emotions ran throughout my body, causing me to be unstable. My heart was torn apart.. I always had a broken heart due to family problems. She succeeded in putting them whole again, but now it's in a much worse state than it used to be.. I love you laopo.. I really do.. I hope all readers out there help me by praying with me for my beloved's return.. Even tho I don't know how long will it take, but I've decided to wait for her, no matter what happens, even if the chances are slim, I will persevere and let my love towards her open that fragile yet beautiful heart for me once and for all eternity, just like what she had done for me. . Why did we broke up? I'm the main reason why we broke up bahx.. 1 week after Friday the 13th which is 20th of March, you had to go Orchard to prepare for your SYF competition costume.. I have to teach tuition on that day, thus I weren't able to go with you, so you called your di for his accompany. I didnt like the idea, but you assured me, nothing will happen, nothing will happen.. So I trusted you, even though I said something which could have upset/hurt you.. After you left, I checked the conversation of you and your di coz I wanna know about his sad past too. But what I saw was beyond what I could have imagined.. Her didi obviously have feelings for her, and she even said things like dun fall in love with other people for her sake.. I saw she wrote a lot of things that she was unhappy with me. This I can understand, cause it's really my fault, I have not realise that the actions I unintentionally did have caused you so much hurt. But why didn't you just tell me solemnly, make me understand since you really love me. Haiz.. You asked if I want to meet you after tuition, of course I want, silly laopo. Then after tuition, I asked where were u, and u told me that u're still with ur di at Orchard Takashimaya. So I asked you expect me to go so far ar? Can meet at Dhoby Ghaut? Then you asked ur di and he didnt want to, so you told me to go home first.. It hurts, double blow.. Wanted to meet you right after tuition, then can go buy dinner together, but you asked me to go home first.. I'm not wrong to feel this way, cause you're the person I love what, I really treasure our times together. I love you.. I felt upset that now you've even set your priority to him. Out of anger, I said "Fine do whatever you want, I don't care le lah!" Hmmm... Don't care? How possible? Then we smsed each other, but I just keep letting my anger and jealousy take over me, thus I said really harsh words.. I'm really sorry.. Then I said that it'd be better for the both of us if we remained as kor and mei.. and you replied, you always liddat say de.. The stupidest thing I did later, was to say to break.. This has became my living regret. You said that I should not do things that I'll regret, but I didnt regret being with you, why must you insist on leaving? You told me never give up on you, but why must you give up on me? My heart really hurts a lot, I've seriously never feel this kind of pain before, not even once for my previous relationships.. This proves that I seriously love you, but you no longer feels the same way.. I knew that you 2 will definitely kiss and hug, like we used to, I really cannot stand this poison spreading in my heart. I called to apologise and was very emotional that I was crying all the way. People were looking and also laughing at me but I just heck care them because you're the most important thing to me, I don't care about my pride.. Why didn't you give me another chance, all I thought was to hurt myself physically when we were on the phone. I didnt want to threaten you, it hurt so much in the heart that I'd rather receive physical pain. I really don't want to lose you.. I've not slept since 20th March until now 24th March 2:41am and I'm still awake typing.. Weren't your love so strong for me that nothing will break us apart? Because of my flaws you abandoned me, you xian qi me.. You said that you gave me a lot of chances to change everyday, but I didn't realise.. Sorry laopo.. I was stupid. Wanted you to come home so badly, then my phone no batt.. I ran home as fast as possible to charge and called you again.. Please don't leave me.. I prayed. You told me you'll be leaving at 8+, I suppose you're gonna spend time with him.. Having someone you love so much hugging and kissing with another person, it's far more worse than just having the fear of it. How I wish I was borned on 1993.. During the period where I was home alone, I was petrified. I don't know what to do, I've never experience this before, why am I experiencing it.. I cannot take the fact that my heart hurt so much, so I wanted to cut myself. Dunno whether I'm lucky or not, I cut with no bleed. You came back at around 9+. I realised that my laopo isnt my laopo anymore.. She's not looking at me into my eyes and didn't give me that always managed to make me happy de smile. Haiz.. Misery.. To be continued..


Laopo wrote all this for me..